MythUse
by Lain Bradford
Summary: Skeeve never wanted to be a Magician in the first place, let alone one in love with a demon. Warnings: Slash (malemale romance) and adult language. [AahzSkeeve]


Title: Myth-Use  
  
Disclaimer: The characters and world herein depicted belong solely to Robert Asprin, which I am borrowing without consent or knowledge and am making no money off of.  
  
Chapter summary: In which our hero encounters an alien world, a stable, gin, and more angst than you can shake a Clarvaskian stick at, though not entirely in that order.  
  
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Prologue   
  
"I've got a little problem..."  
  
-Juliet  
  
I have this suspicion that I'm drunk. Wasted, is maybe a better choice.  
  
Wasted is one of the words Aahz has explained to me in his 'I really don't know WHAT I was thinking when I took such an idiot on as an apprentice, but I've done it now so I'll try and be patient' voice. I really like that word. Wasted. Like tonight.   
  
Well, not completely wasted, I guess. I did manage to get drunk. Without even trying! That has to count for something. Of course, the fact that I was looking for a way to get drunk at the time really doesn't have any bearing on my present condition and probably won't be mentioned when I find Aahz.  
  
Aahz... Great. Aahz is going to kill me, and that's only If I'm lucky. Of course, that thought just brings everything full circle, except now I'm lost and drunk and depressed instead of just depressed.  
  
Wonderful.  
  
What's wrong with me anyway? Aahz is...Aahz. "Must be somethin' wrong with m' body," I mumble. Maybe it's a curse or something. I can't naturally be attracted to my teacher. My large, green, scaly, bad-tempered, strong-enough-to-bend-me-in-half teacher is utterly unattractive.  
  
But to be fair, Tanda doesn't think green, scaly and strong is bad, and I have to agree with her sometimes. Oh, what those hands could do to me...Hell, even the claws, if we're careful and he-  
  
Wait! What am I thinking? It's gotta be the alcohol. I'm just going to lean against this handy wall. I hear an inarticulate sound and realize it came from me. Damn. "I can't...w-want Aahz. He's a terrific guy, an' all, an' prob'ly the most important person in my life, but I *can't* be attracted to him... He'd kill me if 'e found out." I can't even stand anymore, I realize as I begin sinking to the ground. That...well, whatever it was I drank, was effective.   
  
Oh, look. The ground.   
  
Hmm...what the...? Who's got me? ...oh. I seem to be hugging myself. Huh...since when do I have two arms? "I don't even know what I want to do with him, for God's sake. And. And. And. And I don't want to want him!" My arms tighten. "And even if I could deal with wanting him, I can't even ask how he'd react to this sort of a sit...sit..situation, 'cause then he'll know I want him and prob'ly disown me."   
  
The mental picture of my life without Aahz is...depressing. I'd manage to stay alive a week, if I was lucky. "I couldn't r-risk our friendship, anyway. I jus' wish I didn't want him. It just comli-complicates things..." Which is exactly why I started out in search for something to drown my thoughts in. I guess since I've already got the drowning part down, I'll just sit here and not-think for a while.  
  
Which isn't that difficult, considering how much of that stuff I drank... I hope it isn't poisonous.   
  
God, I've got a crick in my neck... Wow. Where'd everyone go? I look up and suddenly the street's deserted...   
  
I wonder how many people I've frightened with my uncanny impression of a raving lunatic.   
  
A hand settles on my arm and I jerk away reflexively. Unfortunately that doesn't work well scrunched against a wall and drunk. I open my eyes and try to think of a spell.  
  
A bolt of lightening will make an impact, even in a druken haze, and holy hell, it feels like one just struck each of my eyes! They snap shut and I groan and drop my head again. Everything is suddenly hazy...  
  
Someone, I assume the person the hand belongs too, pulls me to my feet and my hands away from my face. I keep my eyes closed and whoever it is sighs. "Kid, how many times have I told you? Don't drink it if you don't know what it'll do..."  
  
I dutifully nod and do my best to sound apologetic when I respond. " 'm sorry; thought it was water 'til I got drunk."  
  
"Thought it was- you drank Clarvaskinian gin?"  
  
" 's that what it's called? Huh."  
  
Mystery man sighs and puts an arm around my shoulder, and we start walking, "How much did you drink, kid?"  
  
Now that I'm moving again the effects of the...we're going to go with gin, for now...hit me harder then before and I sway. He asked me a question...right? "Um...three?" Why am I moving?   
  
Oh, I'm leaning on someone who's walking. OK, right, I remember, guy, eyes, pain. Right. So I have a friend.   
  
But they shouldn't be moving me, don't they know I'm drunk? "Didn't mean to get drunk, y'know, was just looking for somewhere where I could peas...pace...lose it." I sigh and lean against my companion a little more, thinking about opening my eyes; however, I've had enough pain tonight, and whoever is helping me seems nice enough to direct me wherever we're going, so let's just...not.  
  
"Oh? Why?"  
  
Huh...? Oh, right, talking. What am I talking about, again? Oh, yeah. " 'cause I ha-have a problem. See, 'm in love, I think. Pretty sure, act'ully."  
  
My walking cane stops and I move closer. Whoever this is, whatever they look like, I'll love them forever if they'll stay like this for a few hours.  
  
"Who you in love with, kid?"  
  
Mmmmm this guy has nice clothes. His shirt is really soft... I rub my face against him again and answer his question absently, "My teacher. Sort've a bad thing, y'know, 'cause I th..think he prob'ly won't like it."  
  
Damn, we're moving again. Well...he's still letting me lean on him, and his shirt is really soft...oh, he smells good, too. Too bad I'm in love with Aahz.  
  
"Sounds like you're in a predicament, kid."  
  
Oh, he wants to keep talking. OK. "Yeah, a per..a pru...'s a problem. He's like, the most 'portant person in m' life, y'know? So I can't-can't tell him, or ask 'em how stuff like this works in Perv 'cause he might hate me if he f-finds out."  
  
"Perv?"  
  
"Hm. His d-dimen...his home. You're cold."  
  
"It's my normal body temperature."  
  
"Oh. 'kay. 's nice." I rub my cheek against the shoulder I'm leaning on, and find a little bare skin. Weird texture, but nice. Nice all around.   
  
It's quiet now, maybe I can sleep. Except we're still moving. Well, he's supporting me already, it's not like I'm not already deadweight. I hope Aahz doesn't get worried when I don't show up tonight.   
  
"I'm glad you approve. What are you going to do about...this problem?"  
  
" 's not much of a problem for anyone else, izit? I c-can't really t-tell him, can I? Just walk up an say 'Hey, Aahz, I love you.' I don' even wanna think 'bout what he'd say," I sigh. "An' that ain't even the worst part."  
  
"You don't say."  
  
"Nope. 'cause I want him, too. Really, really want him, y'know, in a 'take me now' way. Which is str- str...weird 'cause I don't really know what I want to do with 'em."  
  
"You're a virgin."  
  
"Yep. My fault, though. I've ha-had offers an' all, but I turned 'em do-down...I said no."  
  
"Why?"  
  
" 'cause I'm 'n love with Aahz, 'member? Man, he's gonna *kill* me for getting drunk. Prob'ly wanna know why, an' what am I s'posed to say? 'Being 'n love with you is diff...deff...hard, 'specially when my hor...horm...body acts up. Y' un'erstand, right?' This sucks. You really have a nice shirt, 's all soft. An' you smell good, too." His shirt really is nice; I don't think I've ever felt anything softer.  
  
"Thanks. Tell me more about this guy. Where's he from, again?"  
  
We're still talking? Damn. "Perv. He's a Pervect."  
  
"Huh. Well, you shouldn't worry. I hear they-"  
  
I stiffen, even through my...I hesitate to call it stupor...I can tell where this is going. "Think careful 'bout what you're gonna say. Y' been nice, but I'm not gonna let you badmouth him."  
  
Now, this may have been more effective if I opened my eyes, but I'm angry, not stupid, and I only needed that experience once to figure out I didn't like it.  
  
"All I was going to say was that they're open-minded, kid. Tell me what he looks like?"  
  
I relax again, back to leaning nearly completely on... You know, I never did get his name... Oh, right, he asked a question. "Like a Pervect, y'know. Scales an' claws an' yellowy eyes...he's got great eyes. And his teeth are pretty neat too. All pointy an' stuff. He's this gore...gorgu...really nice shade of green. An' he's strong. Really strong. Sort've a funny feelin', knowing he could bend me 'n half. Not bad." Oh, we stopped. I'll just lean here- What the- why aren't I standing anymore?!  
  
...oh. He picked me up. He's pretty strong, too. We must be going up stairs. This is really nice. I hope he doesn't mind a little more rubbing; he's too comfortable for his own good. Whoever he is. Maybe I should ask.  
  
Oh, this is nice. Warm and soft. Not as soft as...whoever he is, not as nice as his shirt, but good enough and I guess questions can wait.  
  
----------------------  
  
Thank god we're back home. Klahd may be boring but it's...well, actually, that's why I'm glad we're back. No one trying to kill us, draft us, or talk us into a crazy scheme in sight. And that hangover is finally gone.  
  
I will never, ever, ever, touch Clarvaskinian gin again. I still haven't remembered what happened after I left the well I drank from.  
  
"How's the view?"  
  
I blink and look up from the wall I'm facing to see Aahz watching me. "Um...huh?"   
  
I'm actually trying to be on my best behavior since our trip to Clarvaska. Aahz didn't yell at me for getting drunk, so I'm counting my lucky stars. Of course, the reason he didn't yell might have been anticipation of Gleep's welcome, which had been as loud and as toxic as ever. I was still throwing up an hour after he said hi.   
  
"Never mind. Since you aren't doing anything, go down to the laundry and pick our stuff up."  
  
"But..." Seeing Aahz grin at me, the laundry woman's rooms suddenly sound like a good place to be. Namely, because they aren't here. "Right. Laundry. Got it."   
  
"That's what I thought."  
  
I stand up and beat a hasty retreat before he thinks of anything else. Out of sight of our rooms, I take a minute to lean against the wall.   
  
Things aren't any better than a week ago. In fact, they might be worse. I'm still disturbingly attracted to Aahz, but now he keeps noticing me. I find him watching me for no apparent reason, and I swear he knows. It's unnerving to look up every five minutes and find a Pervect staring at you. Try it some time. But I should get the laundry. I said I would.  
  
Ugh. Why do the laundry women work so far away? It takes me ten minutes to get to them, another ten getting our stuff together and even if I use my magic, I usually have to make two trips. Aahz has a disturbing amount of clothes.  
  
Oh, wow. That must be the shirt he bought on Clarvaska. I don't think I've ever seen it before. Well. What an...interesting...shade of red. Hmm. Wow. I forgive he color. It's really soft. Really...really...soft.  
  
Oh...shit.  
  
Well, I was right, I haven't seen this shirt before. I've just spent the latter half of a night rubbing against it. While babbling about...oh, God, what did I say??? I can't-  
  
Oh, shit.  
  
I told...I said...I...oh, shi- no. I can deal with this. I'm wrong. Obviously. Otherwise, Aahz would've said something to me.   
  
Or not. He never said anything about me getting drunk...he knows. Shit. Shitshitshit. OK, stop panicking in the laundry room, Skeeve. I need to get out of here before I fall apart and the women see. That would not be good for my 'powerful magician' image.  
  
I should be glad I made it to Buttercup's stall before loosing it.  
  
He knows! What am I going to do? WHY HASN'T HE SAID ANYTHING? Oh, God...what if he's waiting for me to remember to dismiss me... or he's so disgusted he's pretending not to remember...   
  
Oh, man...  
  
------------  
  
I think it's been about two hours and I still don't know what to do, though I've decided on a few things I can't do. Run, for example. One, it would be hard to learn magic that way, and two, Aahz would probably find me and make my life even worse then it currently is. And there's the whole 'Kingdom of Possiltum knowing my face' problem with running. I could disguise myself easy, but I don't know how easy it is to get hold of those illusion breaking amulets.   
  
So, no running, and I can't confront Aahz because the thought turns me into a quivering pile of cowardly goo.  
  
So I'm just...waiting. Not hiding.  
  
Waiting.  
  
"What are you-oh, for the love of..."  
  
Apparently the wait is up. Maybe I should've been hiding; I might've found a better place.  
  
Aahz is glaring at me now. "Did you sneak some Clarvaskinian gin here? I swear kid, if you're drunk again..."  
  
I hold up my hands and hope he recognizes it as 'I'm not dangerous and unarmed' and lets me talk. "I'm not drunk. And I wouldn't touch Clarvaskinian gin again unless I was paid a large, large amount of money. Maybe not then."  
  
Aahz grunts and folds his arms over his chest. "Then do you want to tell me why the court magician is hiding in a stable?"  
  
I guess Aahz doesn't get the difference between waiting and hiding. "Um...no?" Great, I can't even look him in the eyes. He's going to hate me.   
  
The ground is suddenly very interesting.  
  
"No? What do you- What are you doing?"   
  
OK, he sounds confused. Wonderful. "Nothing." Go away, go away, go away...  
  
"What's wrong, kid?"   
  
Now he sounds concerned. Even better. Please go away. "I...I don't know what your talking about." Oh, convincing.  
  
"Skeeve, look at me!"  
  
I swallow and hunch a little further in on myself, but he used my name. He doesn't do that unless it's serious. OK, I'm looking at him. I don't think his belt-buckle is what he had in mind, but.   
  
He suddenly drops to his knees and now he's eye level because I don't have time to react before he grabs my shoulder. I can't look away now. I probably couldn't if Deveels suddenly appeared and set up shop.  
  
"Talk to me, Skeeve. Now."  
  
He used my name twice in a row. Damn. "I...remember."  
  
He raises an eyebrow, and opens his mouth to say something but I have to beat him to it or I won't say what I have to say. "Why didn't you say anything? I understand, I mean, if you don't want me to be your apprentice anymore...but you don't...you don't...hate me, right?" I can't bring my voice above a whisper and isn't this just one of the most confusing, depressing situations I've ever been in.   
  
If you've ever hung around me, you know this is saying something.  
  
He hasn't answered. I knew it. He hates me. God. And of course I'm crying now. I'm such a girl. Except I can't really see Tanda in this situation, so I guess I'm just me. Damn. "I understand. I'll..I'll get my stuff out of our, I mean your room."  
  
"Now wait a minute!"  
  
What else? Does he have to yell at me, too?  
  
"You're going to give up your apprenticeship, and break a contract because you got drunk? I thought better of you."  
  
What? "What? That's not why- I mean..." I lick my lips and hesitate, but now I have to ask again, "...does that mean you don't hate me?"  
  
He stares at me blankly for a minute. "For what?"  
  
What does he mean, for what? Is he going to make me say it again?   
  
...yes. Yes, he is. God. "For...what I said. I...I didn't just say it because I was drunk. Or, I mean, I've felt that way for a while. I don't generally share secrets with strangers."  
  
He blinks and then he shakes his head and sighs before standing up. "C'mon. If we're going to talk, we'll do it standing." He stares at me for a minute and shakes his head again. "Until we leave, talk like you know what your saying." He offers his hand to help me up and it's a minute until I can grab it and it takes everything I have not to fling myself at his feet, grab on and never let go. He probably wouldn't like that.   
  
And he's talking again. "What do you want to talk about?"  
  
Is he joking? ...no. He really wants an answer. I think I'm going to throw up. "What I said. How...I feel."  
  
He looks at me for a minute, and I can't read him, which is a little in itself. "Ki...Skeeve. If you can't say it when you aren't drunk..."  
  
"Aahz...you want me to say it again. Why? It doesn't change things. I mean, do you really want to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your apprentice is in love with you?" Apparently. "Fine." I sigh. He asked, I'll say it. I really can't say no to him. Well, for something like this, anyway. I actually say no to him quite often...   
  
I hope he doesn't want me to look him in the eyes during, though. "I..." I can do this. "I love you." See? I am Skeeve. I can do this. "I want you. I know you don't want me, and I won't let it affect my studies if you keep me." I bite my lip. "Will you...you don't want me to leave...?"  
  
Aahz sighs and shakes his head, then he glares at me. "No. You are MY apprentice! I said I'd teach you and I'll teach you!" Then his tone changes and he says drily, "Besides, I don't think the kingdom of Possiltum will really want me to stay if you leave."  
  
I guess I flinch a little, but I don't know why. I'm used to weathering Aahz's tirades; I guess the situation has me jumpy. "Right, Aahz."  
  
He's shaking his head again. I feel like I'm going to throw up again. I'm beginning to see a trend. "As for the rest...I won't get involved with an apprentice."  
  
I knew that. I've been telling myself that since I realized what I was feeling wasn't easy to explain or easy to dispel. Why does it hurt so much hearing it? "I know, Aahz. I-" Aahz shakes his head and tightens his hand a little. When did he grab my shoulder?  
  
"You won't be my apprentice forever, kid."  
  
Huh? Oh. "...oh." Does that mean...? What does that mean?   
  
I tend to bite my lip whenever I get worried. Consequently, I've been chewing on my mouth a lot in the recent past. I'm doing so now. Aahz...what's he...does this mean he wants me too?   
  
--------  
  
Aahz moved his hand up the kid's neck, watched the confusion and didn't miss the shiver when he touched skin. He hesitated for a minute, then moved his hand up higher, gently taking a claw up the neck, tracing his ear, following his cheekbone down to the corner of his mouth.   
  
Skeeve was frozen, eyes impossibly wide, but he'd stopped chewing on his lower lip, and his mouth was slightly open. Aahz shook his head a little at himself and leaned down, mentally muttering about how stupid this was before he carefully kissed his apprentice.  
  
----------  
  
He...Aahz...he's kissing me. He's kissing me. I think...God, he's good at that...I think...he has to want me, right? He wouldn't...wouldn't...do that...keep doing that, please...  
  
He pulls away, but I'm so...distracted...from the kiss that I can't get myself together enough to ask any of the questions floating around in my head. And he's talking again...Hey, a new way to keep me quiet. Aahz has my permission to use this method as often as possible and twice that on Sundays.  
  
"I don't get involved with apprentices. But like I said, you won't be an apprentice forever. If you feel like that after you graduate...well."  
  
OK, I have officially been taken through the emotional wringer today. Well, what? "Um...what? And why did you kiss me, if you...? Not that I'm complaining."  
  
He sighs, but he's still looking at me and his hand is still on my shoulder. "Well...maybe we'll be able to figure something out."  
  
Figure...? So he at least wants me. I thought, after the kiss...but you can never be sure, with Aahz...he wants me! I think I'm nodding, I know I'm grinning like an idiot, but can you blame me? And he didn't answer my question...   
  
Aahz nods, then steps back and...is looking for something? What?  
  
"Until then, we are agreed that things are as they have been, yes?"  
  
What's he up to? I nod hesitantly and he grins and leans closer to me. Now, while this excites me, as I've said, my attraction has done nothing to dim my apprehension at the sight of Aahz grinning. Many better men than I have turned and run in the face of Aahz's grin.  
  
"Well, then, apprentice, perhaps you'd like to tell me where our clothes are?" He purrs with a dangerous look in his eyes.  
  
Oh. Oops? 


End file.
